You sent me pictures
of fancy trays and printed saris–
snippets of your wedding day.
Why did I push it all away?
Talking about it was so much easier back then
we would choose our bridesmaids,
decide a venue and what to wear
and tick an invitation list in our head.
You kept telling me that it’s not that far now
and I kept pushing it away
like those times when you’re not ready
but you know there’s no going back
I really don’t know what to say to you
“It’s all okay”, “Everything will be fine”
I guess I’m speaking to myself.
I know you are okay.
I know everything is fine.
I’m sorry for putting you through this.
A phase where I don’t know what’s real.
I’ve lived so much in my head that it takes me a while now.
I’m sorry for not being there.
Birthdays and Christmases,
Sundays and Mondays,
Could we even tell the difference?
Maybe that’s what soul sisters are for,
their presence wavering all the time.
So look around,
and I’ll be there (for youuu..*clap clap clap*)
Nothing’s going to change.
Our cold coffees.
Our long bike rides.
You being my ‘home’ person,
dealing with my mood swings–
hugging me when I jump with excitement,
holding me when I cry inconsolably.
Coming to pick me up,
dropping me back,
counting the days till I come back again.
From wearing matching clothes,
to loving the world,
and all the things in between.
To all that we did together
and to everything that awaits…
I will remain your baby sister.
No matter how much I pretend
to be mature and grown- up,
I’ll never know what to say to you.
Just like now.
Just like always.
Because you always just know.