College can be hard. Question everything, I’m told from all directions. I’m asked to pick a side. Only to be told that there were no sides except in my head. Do you believe in Capitalism? They ask. As if what I say would make a difference. As if I know that I believe in what I believe in. It’s that time when I’m struggling to find my ground. And then I freak out. What if there is no ground? But doesn’t the word ‘is’ suggest that there ‘is’ one somewhere? I pull myself together, on this groundless ground. You’re nothing outside your name, is thrust upon me in the morning. Not Manisha Koppala? Internet demands in the evening. Am I, at all?
Metadiscourse. See? It comes with a red underline as I type it. When I was young, the red curvy underline for words on the computer was the world’s way of telling me that the word did not exist. That I’ve typed it wrong. And now? Sometimes even Google doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Oh, by the way, Metadiscourse is “a discussion about a discussion”. I learnt it today from my reading. There’s so much of that these days. It’s like living on this different plane. We discuss the spiral of words and their meanings, and their non meanings and the meaning of meaning. Or is it non meaning of meaning? At this point, I give up. Don’t worry, even giving up might not really be giving up.
College can be hard.
It takes away all my grounds while giving an illusion of letting me choose one for myself.
But I would still choose to keep wondering whether I’ll ever find my ground, rather than standing on a pre- determined one.
manishakoppala 